Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Planes, Trains & Tuk-Tuks

Hello everyone from a sunny Thailand! 

Jimbo and I decided that Christmas in the UK was just not for us this year and ever since March i've been planning our month away. To get all the filming that we're contracted to do and both of our websites: & far enough ahead with updates, that we could go away and come back to the UK without having to film straight away, we worked our knuckles and our butts (mine especially) off! We'd handed in my Television X series: Laras Men In Uniform and were waiting on it to be finally accepted as it was being checked by the technical geeks to see that my moaning and groaning won't go too loud and wake your wife up when she's asleep upstairs in bed. 

So I am writing this from our villa on Koh Tao! Firstly, we left on the 9th December, checked in for our Emirates flight (no queue-WTF) and waited to board our A380 flight to Dubai. I had been so pleased to be able to book this flight for 3 of our 4 flights to and from Bangkok as 1) its the biggest passenger plane in the world and 2) I wanted to say  i'd flown on it. I'd been looking forward to it since March and I love flying but I started to panic a little about how this plane was gonna take off! Then when it took an hour to board everyone I started panicking that this thing was waaaay to heavy to even move. But when I got into my seat and saw the entertainment system in the seat and that my legroom was fine (at 6ft it can be cramped for me) and that I couldn't see the end of the wing and wow the windows were big and oh look comfy covers and so on and so on, I was easily occupied. Then I found tail and nose cam!!!!! They're cameras in the nose and tail which you can switch between. I was impressed. The Captain came over the tannoy and I felt safe due to his impressive toffish English accent (I don't know why, but I love that kinda accent). Then a male flight attendant came up to us and asked us if he could have a word. Oh God we thought what have we done. Then he said can you get your luggage out of the overhead locker……MAJOR FUCKING PANIC now. He took us to the front of the plane where I thought we were gonna be chucked off and stopped. He (and now 2 giggling female flight attendants) looked at Jimbo, and said 'I love your work and have seen everything you've ever made, I'd like to offer you an upgrade'. My face must've been a picture because I so thought we were being chucked off. We gratefully accepted this lovely gesture and made our way to our seats (upstairs) where we were handed some champagne. What a way to start this well deserved holiday. Anyway, our flight passed so quickly with amazing service that if I could put that entertainment system in my car seats at home, i'd let Jimbo drive all the time!

We arrived in Dubai - great tail cam and underneath cam shots - at 1am. I was a bit worried as I had read that the transit section in the airport was mayhemic. AND yes it was. I dived to the back queue with less people and it took about 30minutes to get through. Even though I got stopped by the alarm system on the body scanner things, a female guard had to take me to a small room to pat me down. She was very pretty but I didn't think it was the time to say anything so I giggled and ran back to collect my things. Anyway on to the second leg of the trip and we landed in Bangkok rather tired and the immigration there is awful. If you have to take eveyones photo coming into the country and you're using Windows operating system then you're gonna run into problems. Then we got hit by the heat. Wow! Cloudy but so humid. We got a rather colourful taxi (they're all different colours) onto the toll roads and then down into Bangkok where we had an executive room at the Intercontinental Hotel. We went up to the 37th executive check-in lounge and were given Guava juice. I now drink so much of this juice, I think my veins are green. I'd spent months researching trip advisor for all the things i'd booked that having the amazing flight and now the hotel be so wonderful that it was a weight off my mind. Especially as it was all a surprise for Jimbo. It had taken us a whole day to get to Bangkok and we fell straight into bed asleep. Then when we woke up we walked straight out of the hotel into the mayhem that is Bangkok. Jimbo swearing that he'd never get into a tuk-tuk and me laughing at the fact that all the street vendors prices, no matter what they were selling, came to £3!  So if my framily are reading this, no you know how much your vintage radio and hair tongs were!! lol

Over the next 4 days we looked around Bangkok. We had our first foot massage and I went to the nail salon (which had more men than women in it). Jimbo chanced a haircut, we tried various restaurants and found the best one to be the one (with the least ambience) a stones throw from Nana - where all the lady boys and sex shows are. We walked up Sukhumvit Road looking at the stalls, 1 in 10 selling dildos! Now who goes out shopping for a handbag and ends up buying (in full view of everyone else) an unwrapped dildo and have to barter for it. We also jumped on the skytrain, went on a boat ride up the river and missed the opening times for the Grand Palace. So I decided to hail a tuk-tuk to take us to Khao San Road. I was scared but Jimbo loved it! Funny how ones preconceptions of something are shattered when you experience it. We loved the Khao San Road. It was much more friendly than Nana. We bought some clothes and had a few drinks. Took a taxi straight into a jam. This wasn't an M25 jam, this was M25000000 jam. If Carlsberg made traffic jams, this would be it. So we got out and walked to see the cause of this jam. Simple - the traffic lights were red. Red and there was never a green light built into them kinda red! They weren't changing whatsoever. Now in the UK people would've thought 'bugger this' and just driven through. But no, due to the Buddhist nature of the Thais (which I respect), they just sat there. Then we got lost walking so hailed another tuk-tuk - even more fun - went on the skytrain and got back to the hotel. So we'd done many forms of transport in one day and experienced different parts of Bangkok. Well I wanted mayhem and I certainly go it.

Then we had to pack as we were leaving at 9am to get the 9am flight to Koh Samui. Now this plane was no A380. It was so small it had bloody propellors!!!! I was not happy about this and moved seats to keep an eye out on these during the flight (I KNOW, I'M NUTS). It was only a short flight in which we saw the flooding on the outskirts of Bangkok. It went on for miles and it was so sad to see the devastation that the weather can cause. We landed in Samui at the worlds cutest airport and had to wait 2 hours for the transfer to the pier to get the ferry to Koh Tao, which was only 5 minutes away, but on the transfer we saw our first water buffalo and got our eyes used to a completely different way of life from Bangkok. This was much more back to basic bungalows and also huts where the Thai people lived. We were greeted at the port by some lovely people, we mingled with other families, back packers etc and waited to board the ferry for what would be known as the 'the trip of hell'……..

Dont forget that while I'm away for the month, the fun doesn't stop on! This week and over Christmas, you definately have to see me pick up a couple called Anna & Kai and have the most rampant threesome I have had to date. TYou can currently see me and Anna have some hot lesbo action in our coloured fully fashioned nylon stockings and lovely 50's dresses. Then this Friday, Kai gets to join in and fuck us both senseless with his huge cock. Finally spraying his jizz all over our faces. At the end I still manage to hold a conversation with the spunk still stuck to my chin. I had a fanatastic time and you will too. Hapy wanking!

1 comment: